So… sometime in the wee hours last night… sometime after I wrote this (which doesn't sound at all insane, right? Pretty nice, in fact)… I remember tossing and turning, back in bed, and constructing an elaborate prank in my head. It somehow involved me calling the police (but dialing direct to the station house, not using the 911 emergency line. For some reason, this was critical to my prank.) I was going to report that someone had "busted in and stolen all my chocolate." Or something like that. The only thing that's not clear is exactly who the intended victim of this prank was supposed to be. Me? The police? My poor sleeping family when squad car 11 pulled up outside our door?
The horrifying denouement to this story is this: when I finally did come to my senses and awaken this morning, there was a lump underneath the covers beside me. It was our phone handset. Dear god, what did I do?