Soldier Ant 

2 things I've learned about gardening this summer:

1. If your newly-laid mulch suddenly starts sprouting doggie-dicks, you've probably got a case of the Mutinus elegans or dog stinkhorn fungus. (Scroll down to see the orange one.)
2. It's called Clematis. Not 'Chlamydia'. Especially not when you're asking your Mother-in-law “how hers is doing this year.”